🚢 For Cruise Fans Who Want the Real Tea
Welcome Aboard, Cruise Nerds
Games, quizzes, calculators, and the most brutally honest cruise data on the internet.
163
Ships Tracked
96
Avg Industry Score
790
Inspections on File
0
Outbreaks in 2026
Data updated Jan 13 · Source: CDC Vessel Sanitation Program
The Fun Stuff
Because cruise research shouldn't feel like homework
☕
Spill or Chill
Real vs fake cruise headlines
🍽Buffet Dash
60-second cruise buffet game
🎟Which Cruise Ship Are You?
8-question personality quiz
🧠Cruise Trivia
Test your cruise knowledge
👋Roll Call
Find your sailing crew
🎲Cruise Bingo
5 themes, printable cards
📰Headline Generator
Mix-and-match cruise gossip
💰Tipping Calculator
14 cruise lines, instant math
Get the Tea First ☕
Inspection scores, outbreak alerts, and cruise gossip. Weekly. No spam.
How Much Will This Cruise Really Cost You?
Calculators and tools that give you real answers
Guides & Stories
The hottest cruise gossip, news, and guides
Guides & Tips 102
Cruise Chaos 32
Money & Costs 15
Weather & Rescue 14
Health & Safety 14
First-Timer Essentials 11
Food & Dining 10
Onboard Life 9
Cruise Chaos
Crew Member Crushed in P&O Arvia Elevator Shaft: What the Investigation Found
On October 26, 2025, an electrical technician aboard P&O Arvia was crushed to death in an elevator shaft after a defective door release key forced…
Mar 11, 2026
Explore the Database
CDC inspection scores, outbreak records, and rankings for every cruise ship
Ship Database
Search, filter, and compare every cruise ship with full CDC sanitation profiles
163 ships · 96 avg score Browse Ships →Cruise Line Dossiers
Grades, controversy timelines, hidden costs, and honest report cards for every major line
10 lines graded · 90 pages of intel Read Dossiers →Cruise Port Guide
Honest Report Cards for 55 cruise ports — grades, scores, and insider tips
Explore Ports →Itinerary Tracker
152 ships tracked with 16,654 upcoming voyages — search by port, see schedule changes
Browse Itineraries →Leaderboards
Top-ranked ships, ports, and cruise lines right now
Ranking Systems
Five independent scoring systems — because one number can't tell the whole story
Safety Rankings
Composite safety scores from 5 federal data sources
163 ships scored View Rankings →Environmental Rankings
Green Scores from EU emissions & FOE advocacy data
163 ships scored View Rankings →Food Safety Rankings
Kitchen sub-scores from 13 CDC inspection items
110 ships with food data View Rankings →Crew Treatment Rankings
Employee reviews, flag state quality & compliance
16 cruise lines rated View Rankings →