Just got off a cruise? We want the real tea. Use our rating system to evaluate your experience, then share your review with the Ship Tea community. The honest reviews here help fellow cruisers make better booking decisions.
⏱️ 7 min read
The Ship Tea Rating System Explained
Forget vague 5-star ratings that don’t tell you anything useful. Our system breaks down the cruise experience into nine specific categories, each rated with our signature teacup system. More teacups = better experience.
Rating scale:
- 🍵 = Poor (1/5)
- 🍵🍵 = Below Average (2/5)
- 🍵🍵🍵 = Average (3/5)
- 🍵🍵🍵🍵 = Good (4/5)
- 🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵 = Excellent (5/5)
Category 1: Embarkation
What we’re rating: How smooth was the boarding process? From parking/transportation to stepping into your cabin.
Consider:
- Wait time at the terminal
- Check-in efficiency
- Security line experience
- Time until cabin was ready
- Luggage delivery speed
🍵 = Nightmare: Hours of waiting, lost luggage, confusion everywhere
🍵🍵🍵 = Average: Standard 1-2 hour process, minor hiccups
🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵 = Walked Right On: VIP treatment, minimal waits, luggage at cabin instantly
Category 2: Cabin
What we’re rating: Your home for the week—was it a sanctuary or a storage closet?
Consider:
- Cleanliness upon arrival and daily service
- Space and storage adequacy
- Bed comfort
- Bathroom functionality
- Cabin steward attentiveness
- Towel animal creativity (important!)
🍵 = Regrets: Dirty, cramped, unresponsive steward
🍵🍵🍵 = Average: Clean and functional, nothing special
🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵 = Never Wanted to Leave: Spotless, spacious feel, amazing steward service
Category 3: Food (Main Dining Room)
What we’re rating: The signature dining experience—quality, service, and atmosphere.
Consider:
- Food quality and presentation
- Menu variety throughout the cruise
- Wait staff attentiveness and personality
- Special dietary accommodation
- Overall dining room ambiance
🍵 = Forgettable: Bland food, inattentive service, disappointing
🍵🍵🍵 = Average: Decent meals, good service, satisfying
🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵 = Chef’s Kiss: Restaurant-quality food, exceptional service, memorable meals
Category 4: Food (Buffet & Casual Dining)
What we’re rating: The everyday eating options—breakfast spreads, lunch options, late-night bites.
Consider:
- Selection variety
- Food freshness and quality
- Crowd management and seating availability
- Cleanliness of stations
- Hours of operation
🍵 = Avoid: Limited options, questionable freshness, always crowded
🍵🍵🍵 = Average: Standard buffet fare, usually can find something decent
🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵 = Impressive Spread: Diverse options, always fresh, well-organized
Category 5: Entertainment
What we’re rating: Shows, activities, and nightlife—how well did the ship keep you entertained?
Consider:
- Production show quality
- Variety of daytime activities
- Pool and deck entertainment
- Nightlife and bar scene
- Trivia, games, and participation events
🍵 = Bored: Lackluster shows, nothing to do, dead ship
🍵🍵🍵 = Average: Decent shows, enough activities to fill time
🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵 = Non-Stop Fun: Broadway-quality shows, activities around the clock, never a dull moment
Category 6: Service
What we’re rating: The human element—how did the crew make you feel?
Consider:
- Crew friendliness and approachability
- Response time to requests
- Problem resolution
- Guest services desk efficiency
- Overall professionalism
🍵 = Invisible: Unhelpful, rude, or completely absent staff
🍵🍵🍵 = Average: Friendly enough, responsive when needed
🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵 = Exceptional: Remembered your name, anticipated needs, made you feel special
Category 7: Ship Condition
What we’re rating: The physical state of the vessel—is she a beauty or in need of drydock?
Consider:
- Overall cleanliness
- Maintenance and repair state
- Modernity of facilities
- Functionality (elevators working, AC consistent)
- Aesthetic appeal
🍵 = Needs Work: Worn carpets, broken fixtures, tired decor
🍵🍵🍵 = Average: Clean and functional, showing some age
🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵 = Pristine: Looks brand new, everything works perfectly, beautiful design
Category 8: Ports & Itinerary
What we’re rating: The destinations and how well the cruise line executed port visits.
Consider:
- Destination quality and interest
- Time in port (adequate vs rushed)
- Dock vs tender situation
- Excursion options and value
- Itinerary balance (sea days vs port days)
🍵 = Disappointing: Boring ports, not enough time, poor excursions
🍵🍵🍵 = Average: Decent destinations, standard time in port
🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵 = Dream Itinerary: Bucket-list destinations, ample port time, amazing excursion options
Category 9: Value
What we’re rating: The ultimate question—was it worth what you paid?
Consider:
- Base fare vs comparable options
- Onboard spending expectations vs reality
- Quality relative to price point
- Hidden costs and surprise charges
- Would you book again at this price?
🍵 = Overpriced: Could have gotten better for less elsewhere
🍵🍵🍵 = Average: Got what you paid for
🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵 = Worth Every Penny: Exceeded expectations for the price
Calculate Your Overall Rating
Add up your teacups from all 9 categories (maximum 45), then divide by 9 for your average:
5.0 (45 teacups): Perfect cruise. Either you’re lying, incredibly lucky, or have impossibly low standards. Share your secrets!
4.0-4.9 (36-44): Excellent cruise. Minor imperfections but would enthusiastically recommend.
3.0-3.9 (27-35): Good cruise. Enjoyable with clear room for improvement.
2.0-2.9 (18-26): Below average. Significant disappointments that affected enjoyment.
1.0-1.9 (9-17): Poor experience. Major issues throughout—demand compensation.
Below 1.0 (under 9): Disaster cruise. Consult a lawyer. Write a book. Warn everyone.
Share Your Ship Tea Review
Completed your rating? We want to hear the full story. Drop your review in the comments including:
- Ship name and sailing date
- Your category ratings
- Highlights and lowlights
- Would you sail this ship/line again?
Your honest review helps fellow cruisers make informed decisions—and we might feature standout reviews in future posts!
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